Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day

Today has been a good day. I was anticipating a tough day. I miss my mom terribly and today has always been about her. To me anyway. I am a very blessed mother. I have 5 wonderful kids that I love with all my heart. The oldest 2 have made some bad choices but I don't love them any less(even if 1 or both get mad and go awhile without speaking to me). I am also very blessed because my mom loved me enough to share me with another family when I was growing up. I have another "mama" and "daddy". I have always called them mama and daddy too. Even now. The relationship began when my mom was pregnant with me and my brother, who was 9, was in cub scouts. My other mama was his den mother. She asked my mom one day who was going to keep the baby(me) when she went back to work. That was where it began. She started off as my sitter. She and my mom became best friends. Then my parents got divorced. My time with their family increased. My mom was alone with us kids here in Texas. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Fourth of July, all those holidays and birthdays were spent with them. I have to mention, they have a large family themselves. My other mama is the oldest of 6, most of whom live here. At the time they had 5 kids of their own, now they have 7. We were always made to feel like a part of the family. We were no different than anyone else, we weren't outsiders that were included, we were family. My own father was never really a part of my life, but I still had a daddy. My mom worked a lot but she never missed a thing. She was at every dance recital, every softball game, every band performance. I don't think she missed one. Ever.

So, the point to all that, I got to spend the day with that family and my family. I got to celebrate my other mama. I got to tell her thank you, once again, for being there and holding my mom's hand as she left this world. Something I didn't get to do. For telling my mom what I had been trying, but, couldn't bring myself to do, tell her it was OK to let go and fly with the angles. She told my mom that and my mom took 2 more ragged breaths and then was finally at peace. Between her and my mom I learned what a mother and wife is supposed to be like. I learned what a family really is. I'm sure there was fighting between the older kids, never me because I was too much younger, but I don't remember it. I spent a lot of time with them. I would spend weeks at a time with them with my mom coming over to visit. When I was hurt or sick I wanted BOTH of my mamas, and, I usually had them. They were both with me the day I delivered my first baby. They both helped me way more than they should have with my first baby.

So, I am blessed. Beyond words. Beyond measure. I'm a mom to wonderful kids and I wouldn't change a thing in this world about them. For I know they are who they are meant to be at this time in their lives. They have made me who I am. They have made me a better person. I can only hope they love me half as much as I love my mamas.

Thank you my babies, all 5 of you, for the joy and pleasure you have brought to me. I love you more than you will ever know.