Thursday, July 18, 2013

Devastated to Blessed

I took Markas this morning for his speech eval. She said she was referring him for speech therapy. This is a good thing! This afternoon, I took him to his audiology appointment. All indications are he has a moderate hearing loss. She is referring him to ENT for further testing.

I walked out of that clinic feeling like someone had taken a huge sledge hammer to my stomach. I sat in my car and cried. I knew in my head this probably isn't a big deal, my heart felt differently. I couldn't figure out why at first. Then, several hours later, and one phone conversation with a sister in Christ later, I got it. My son was is perfect. It was just, my idea of perfect before that appointment was totally different. We don't have any answers. We don't know when this started or why. We may, or, may not get those answers. We don't know if this is something temporary or will progress to being a severe or profound hearing loss. Does it matter? Not really. No matter what, he is fearfully, perfectly, wonderfully made by God.

My dear friend reminded me how very smart he must be to have made it through Kinder, in public school, with no one catching on, and, did I mention, he made it through. Could things have been better? Absolutely, but, we know now he was struggling and to what degree he was struggling, we don't know.

There are still a bazillion things running through my mind, the possibilities.......but, I feel more peace about the whole thing. I suppose it sounds pretty silly to feel so devastated by the news that your 6 year old son probably has a moderate hearing loss, given there are so many other people dealing with things that truly are devastating, but, it broke my heart to hear that. He on the other hand, when I talked to him about, really didn't care. Probably doesn't understand but is completely unaffected by it. We talked about the possibility of hearing aids and I explained what those were and that we needed more test done first. His response? "Oh Ok." and then skipped away. He did ask me later when he would get the things that go in his ears to help him hear better. Yeah, I think he is ok with it and you know what? I am too.